Voices for Voices®

Weathering Life's Storms: What My Father's Final Days Taught Me | Ep 261

• Founder of Voices for Voices®, Justin Alan Hayes • Season 4 • Episode 261

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Weathering Life's Storms: What My Father's Final Days Taught Me | Ep 261

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We explore the question "Is it worth it?" as it relates to our daily tasks, life purpose, and what truly matters when we reach the end of our journey.

• Building a life on rock versus sand as a metaphor for creating lasting foundations
• The value of writing things down despite resistance to seeing overwhelming task lists
• Finding worth beyond material accomplishments and checked-off to-do lists
• Reflections on a father's final days and his appreciation for nature and Biblical wisdom
• The significance of reaching 260+ podcast episodes when most shows don't survive
• The importance of self-love and celebrating milestones instead of constant self-criticism
• Normalizing compassion for ourselves in a society that rarely prioritizes it

Help us reach our goal of helping 3 billion people by liking, subscribing, commenting, and sharing this episode with friends and family. Every action helps our mission grow!

Chapter Markers

0:00 Welcome and Introduction

9:44 Is It Worth It? Questioning Life's Purpose

17:56 The Power of Writing Things Down

29:02 The House Built on Rock

39:38 My Father's Final Days and Lessons

48:15 Building a Foundation That Lasts

51:42 Self-Love and Celebrating Milestones

#LifeLessons #GriefJourney #FatherSonBond #EndOfLifeCare #CopingWithLoss #LegacyOfLove #EmotionalHealing #NavigatingGrief #PersonalGrowthStories #StormsOfLife #FamilyConnections #CherishedMemories #ReflectingOnLoss #FacingChallengesTogether #InspirationFromLoss #TikTok #Instagram #VoicesforVoices #VoicesforVoicesPodcast #JustinAlanHayes #JustinHayes #help3billion 

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Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

Hi everyone. Welcome to another episode of the Voices for Voices TV Show and Podcast. I'm your host, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes. Thank you for joining us on this episode. Check out our over 260 episodes in our catalog, on your favorite platform, where you like to consume your content, your podcast, your show. Where you're at is where we can be found as well. So welcome, thank you for joining us.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

Thank you for all the support from everybody, not only here in the United States but across the world, and we do have this huge goal of wanting to help 3 billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond, and we're well on our way. It's exciting and beyond, and we're well on our way. It's exciting, it's humbling, it's a lot of things, and to know that, as we're filming this, that it will be seen and heard by people all over the world, and it's a real honor to have that level of respect, whether you listen to one second of our show, one millisecond of our show, or if you've listened or watched all of our episodes, regardless, we thank you. Thank you for joining us, thank you for making time out of your day, and we are just as static as an organization, a lot of moving pieces, a lot of happenings that are going on. We'll be able to share a bit more about these in due time, but you definitely want to stay close, definitely want to give us a big thumbs up like follow, subscribe, comment, all free things to do that that help us greatly. Thank you in advance and if you're subscribing and you've liked and shared and followed, thank you very much. Let your friends and family and significant others know, and that would be a wonderful, wonderful thing you could do for us.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

Isn't it worth it? Is it worth it the question that often comes into my mind our organization to partner organizations, to just really fellow human beings. You don't have to be part of an organization, you don't have to own it or have founded it. You don't have to own it or have founded it, just as a human being. Is it worth it? Ever found its way into your mind where we, speaking on my behalf, a lot of racing thoughts, a lot of different topics, from one to the next to the next, seemingly happening in such a fast cadence. Wow, if I don't write this down, I'm probably going to forget about it. Not because it's not interesting, not because of any ill will, just the mere fact that my mind's already on to the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

That's one thing I've learned that I remember with my parents, quite some time ago and you know, as a youngster but somebody much younger than I am now I saw my. I saw one of my relatives, my mom, you know, writing things down, and there's a piece of paper on the counter. She's writing things down and then I at first I didn't know what it was, what she was doing. I know she was writing a letter to somebody I don't know. And one day after that I don't know how close the timing is, the timing's not really important, but what's important is, you know, as different things, different ideas, different projects, different things were presenting themselves to me and into my mind, to me and into my mind, and my mom had said why don't you just write it down so you don't forget it? And me, being the rambunctious or I know better, I'm a know-it-all however we want to talk about, however we want to talk about, however we want to classify, I was like, no, I don't need to write it down. And then I'll say, slowly, there'll be small aspects of certain things, certain projects, certain things I needed to do, whether that's pick up something at a store, or oh, I need to clean out my car, I need to get a car wash. The list goes on. And so in my mind I was like, okay, well, I forgot to wash the car this week, I'll do it tomorrow or I'll do it today. And so that story of at one of those points I was like, oh, maybe if I do write it down I may have a less chance of forgetting it.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

I think my hesitation again at first was you know, I was a know-it-all. You know that's not for me, I don't have to do that, don't have to do that. And then the second part is that I would see in a written form, you know, a list, a list that would look overwhelming, that it would cause my stress to increase. Oh, my gosh, these are all the things that I'd like to get done, maybe some on Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and throughout the week. But I think I was afraid that I would see that lift and then I might not measure up to that whether I would finish all the quote, unquote tasks on a particular day, and then if I wouldn't, then I would kind of beat myself up inside. Like Justin, all you had to do was put gas in your car, fill it up, and now you'd have to get up extra early to go to the gas station before you head to work or wherever that was, whether that was school or work.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

And so I found myself, and even still to this day, having that fearfulness of I'm going to see this huge list and just be overwhelmed by it, to be so big, in fact, that I'm going to say is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? Is it worth it? And you may be wondering what it is. The it that I'm referring to is is is this life worth it? Is me making a list? Is this life worth it? Is me making a list and working through different projects, different tasks, whatever they may be? Is that really what I'm here for on Earth? Am I here so I can just go from one task to the next and then have that sense of accomplishment of, oh wow, I completed all five things for today. Then I get in the mode of well, maybe I'll start on tomorrow's then, instead of giving myself a break, instead of giving myself the opportunity to step away and do something else, something else that is funner than making a list and checking things off of it. You know, maybe that's going to a ball game or a concert, a fair, another sporting event, so I I continue.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

Another sporting event, so I continue to talk about, you know, is this worth it? You know, being the hamster on the wheel, okay, I got asked to do XYZ, so I got to do XYZ, so I got to do XYZ, and then I got asked to do ABC, then DEF, and so that's our organization, and it's going to sound interesting and a little bit sarcastic and funny coming from me. I am, I like organization, I like knowing exactly what I need to do and what I'm being asked to do, such as go to the grocery store and see if they have this particular type of ice cream, and something as minor as that, something as small as that can really again bring us back to is it worth it? Is what I'm doing worth it? Am I reaping the rewards, whether that be money, fame, prestige, prestige, designer clothing, handbags, cars, mansions, jets Is it worth it? I'll give another example.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

A lot of you know that another brand that called the House of you, and that is that's the publisher of two books, two pamphlets. They're relatively short, 80, 90, 100 pages, but the first one being the House of you five workforce preparation tips, but the first one being the House of you Prescription for Living that details my mental health journey and that is also available in paperback, in digital form and on Audible. And so when I think of the house of you, right, there's a house. Well, duh, right, it's in the name, it's in the brand. So there's a house, not any other, not any old house, but it's our house, our home. We've just discovered a piece of land and we just so happen to have enough money to pay for the land and build a new house, new home, the house of our dreams.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

So we go through the design process, we do the blueprints with the architect and we go pick out what color the wall is going to be, are we going to have hardwood or carpet, what type of sink we're going to have, do we have appliances like washer, dryer, refrigerator, microwave, and so we go through all these, all these motions, but we just go through from time to time having to answer that question so, as the home, as the house, as the condo, as the apartment, as that's being built, each one of our needs, like we need a refrigerator, we need a microwave, and so you know, or how many outlets you know, where we can plug, plug in a phone to charge, plug in a webcam, an iPad how many are we going to have? And what rooms? In those rooms, where do we foresee putting a TV, a television set? And so we go through this whole myriad of topic, myriad of topics, to have that one day to be notified by a real estate agent or whomever and says, hey, justin, your house, it's built, ready for you to move in. Today, let's meet up and get you the keys. And that's a happy moment.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

And I, when the House of you came about, the brand the House of you, which is also a trademark registered with the United States Patent and Trade Office, so it was before my dad had passed last year. And you know, from time to time we would, we'd be in conversation, we would be at family reunions or just amongst friends and family members. And it was not one specific time time, it was multiple times where my dad would get up out of his chair or the couch or whatever, and he would walk to the back of the house and he would look out the window and he would see trees, and he would see birds and squirrels, and he would be having his feet planted firmly on the ground inside the house that he and my mom built to their specification. Now, before the house or the foundation could even be laid, the space, the lot where the house was going to be built was, you know, brush and trees and tall grass, before any foundation could even think of getting started. That had to be done. There had to be a clearing. There's a team that came in and that's part of what they do and they cleared it, cut down trees, just cleared the land so that the construction team could come and start the process of getting that foundation laid and slowly, by slowly, brick by brick, siding, piece of siding above piece of siding, up to the roof and everything indoors.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

And so, as my dad would stand and look out that window in the back, as he would do often and even near the end of his days on earth, before he went to heaven to be with the Lord, he looked out in wonder and amazement that just a few years prior, where the very house that he was standing in was, there again were trees, tall grass, weeds, and he and my mom were able to pick the piece of land, have it cleared and have the home building process start. And again, like I mentioned, what kind of sink and where do we want the outlet, and what kind of carpet or what type of hardwood and what color do you want the door on? As we know, there's just so many options, there's so many different things, and so when he would look out, he was seeing part of God's creation. For him, for my mom, for our family, really any human. He'd always have a bird feeder in one of the trees it was quite tall, anyway and so he would just look out and just he would see nature. Sometimes we would have deer, you know, frolicking through our yard and, and for him that was and through our yard, and for him that was a big accomplishment, that was something that he was very, very happy to have been able to do, to have been able to do, and towards the end of my father's days on earth, before he was bedridden, he would use all the strength he had. He'd use all the strength he had to get up out of his chair or the couch with his walker, and he and his walker, they would walk, slide towards that same very window and he would just my dad would just look out that window and I can only imagine that he saw nature, that he saw something, that he saw something he had a large part in that he was able to see one last bird, one last bird, one last squirrel or one last one last wind blowing and watching the leaves blow from one side to the other and up and down, and then he would go as much as he could on his own and he would go back and sit or lay down and he would pick up the Bible and he would put on his glasses. He just needed his, he just needed his glasses for, like, magnifying, magnifying the letters and that. So he put on his glasses and then he turned to John 3.16.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

John 3.16. One of the most quoted parts of the Bible. Oftentimes we see a sporting event, a person or two or three pulling up a sign John 3.16. In the paraphrase John 3.16. And to paraphrase John 3.16 says, again paraphrasing, that God so loved the world that he sent his only son down to be one with human beings, human beings. And God did this to not to condemn the world, not to say you should do this, you need to do that. He didn't send his son down to do that. He didn't send him down to earth to condemn the world, but he sent him down to earth to save the world. To save the world, to help the world, to help humanity.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

And again, I was paraphrasing there, and so that was one of the last, if not the last group of words that he, that he read, and then, once, once the health progressed, and then not, not, not the good manner, but was left the sense of what were his ears. It's my understanding that listening is one, and ears, if not the last, one of the last senses to go. So that's why it was important that, when we could, when we could, my mom, my sister and myself, we would take turns. We would sit next to my dad and we would read passages and parts of the Bible, including John 3.16. It's getting emotional. That's okay. We're allowed to have emotions, no matter who we are. And so, as my wife and I Breed to our daughter there, I was reading to my my own dad. And so, whatever ego, whatever I had left from when I hit that rock bottom in November 2017, it was gone, because it was about humanity.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

It was about spending time with somebody who didn't have to talk all the whole day. A lot of the day was, you know, planning medications and changing my dad's position, how he was laying, and so he would have less of a chance of getting bed sores. Changing my dad's position, how he was laying so he would have less of a chance of getting bed sores, and making sure he was warm when he was cold and cool when he was warm. And then phone calls to family members, friends, others. We would have those calls. And so for my dad and for anybody who has passed or knows somebody who's passed, we have all the accomplishments we can have. All the material things we can't take it with us. We can have all the material things we can't take it with us. So we, more than ever, need to spend as much time with our families and our friends. If we're able to travel, if that's something we like to do with, like a particular band or an artist, and we want to attend a concert or watch a movie, go for a walk, just sit on the deck or the porch and read a book, because those were parts of what my dad had towards the end of his time with us on Earth.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

I was looking out the window at nature and envisioning all those trees and all that brush and thinking, wow, look at what God has given us. God has worked through us to clear the brush and the lot, and then the building process and all that, and so to see a bird or a squirrel, or just look at the trees blowing in the wind and the leaves changing colors during the fall, and so the house, the house my parents built, any house for that matter. When a house is built on rock, it will remain there for a long time, whereas if we build a house on sand and storm, rain, wind, flooding comes, our house could literally evaporate. But the house that's built on the rock, that has that foundation in the rock, will weather the storm, it will, it will weather the storm and it will remain there Much, much, much, much, much longer than that house that was built on sand. And so we look at where is our, where is our house built?

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

We don't have to have physically have a house, physical house, but our mind do we have our, do we have our mind built on rock, a solid foundation, and whatever that may be, it doesn't have to be religion. Like me, I'm sharing my example, my experiences. So it's built on rock and so, while the storms will come and the storms will go, our house, who we are, who we stand for, what we stand for, will weather the storm, both big and small, mighty and tiny. Or is our mind, our beliefs, built on sand, on sand, and when we try to weather the storm and storms, whether we like it or not, building on sand is a lot more. A house or anything built on sand is a lot more. A house or anything built on sand is a lot more exposed to the elements and to potentially washing away, given the right conditions, versus that house, that apartment, that apartment, that condo, that VRBO, whatever.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

So it really comes down to, is it worth it? And we take a step back from what's going on in our lives and we take a little bit of just like an inventory of how we're feeling, how we think things are going, just taking you don't have to write it down. If you want to, you can. I find sometimes it's helpful. Even though I'm talking about this, it's still hard to do. It's easy to talk about Like I should write that down. Still hard to do. It's easy to talk about like I should write that down. Because when I do write that down and these things down and these ideas, I'm able to refer back to it. And then, when I finish, I'm able to check those boxes and look and say, oh, I was able to do these things, and while maybe I did all of them today, maybe tomorrow, I do one out of whatever the number of half. And so when you say, is it worth it?

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

And we talk about the foundation of, you know, building on rock versus building on sand, that's where Voices for Voices comes in. It's easy to want to say that we're building on rock, but it's another thing to prove it that we are built on rock, that we are here on a rock, that we, we are here today, gone tomorrow. You know there may be, uh, you know, certain times, certain years, certain times a year. You know, maybe there's the you know, some changes from year to year. Like, oh well, you know, from year to year we were able to do this one event or this one thing this year, but maybe we weren't last year. But that's the weathering, that's the elements coming.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

But right here, right now, all 260 plus episodes of our show is a testament to our organization, voices for Voices. It's a testament and I'll give myself some self-love, because I give myself plenty of self-hate and self disappointments and I can do this better and I should have done that better. Right here, right now, I can give myself some self-love and say dang, justin, dang, voices for Voices, whether I, whether the organization, films one, one more episode, or a thousand or ten thousand episodes, or if this ends up being the last episode, the word built on and built in rock, we're built on and built in rock. That's the only way to explain how we even got to episode 260 plus. Because, as we've been reminded of in the last couple of weeks, once we hit episode 250, there's a huge milestone, not just for the organization, not just for me, but in the podcasting, the show industry, that there's a very small percentage of shows and podcasts that get to 250 episodes.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

Because it's easy to think about, it's easy to do A couple, a few, but if you're not in it for the right reasons and you're not passionate about what that podcast, what that interview is about, it's going to show and you're going to get bored. Well, I don't want to do it. This is silly and uh, nobody's watching, nobody's listening and or whatever the reason is. Maybe somebody moves, maybe somebody switches a job, switches industries, and maybe you're spending a whole lot of extra time at work doing work, so you have less time to a whole lot of extra time at work, you know, doing work so you have less time to put a show together. And this is not me bad-mouthing any other show, any other person. It's just the fact that I've been presented with that. Having 250 episodes is it's good.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

And so, for all the times I've beat myself up and questioned to be in a company of relatively few shows and I'm just one person, we do. We have a board of directors, we have a lot of support, a lot of people, a lot of organizations, a lot of advocates that have and continue to be there for us and continue to encourage us, to encourage us to keep going, to encourage us to keep going, to keep telling our story, to tell our experiences, to keep it real, not sugarcoat. And so are there people along the way that may not agree or may feel one way or another. I'm just moving positions on my feet there. One's falling asleep there, so that's that's why I did that. But um, oh, here we go there, I'm back, and so it's like anything. There's people that are going to love and are generally caring people, and there's going to be people that are on the other side of the spectrum, and that's okay. We're free to be able to do that. We're free to turn this show off and turn another one on. It's okay.

Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes:

But I can say, because of my passion, intensity, not giving up, believing in not just the organization but myself, and that's hard to do, it's very hard to do. It's hard to believe in ourselves. When, however, we want to measure ourselves, you know whether it's by money, by who we're friends with, who we're connected with, who we have a picture with or a video, or who we were able to meet, or what, or where we were able to travel for vacation, and so it's, it's easy to not love on ourselves. And well, maybe it sounds corny and silly. I don't think it is. I don't think it is at all, because when I have 100%, we have that pie chart, 100% of our brain, and if you or I or anybody spends that whole entire time going through our daily and beating up on ourselves, they go oh, I wish I could have done that, or wish I would have done that, or I wish I would have reached out or whatever. It is Big, small, it doesn't matter. We think that, oh, there we go again, justin, not falling through whatever. And so that pie, that 100% of my brain and my mind, goes way towards the negative. And I think, by giving ourselves self-love, giving ourselves compassion, time to unplug, time to take a nap, time to rest and relax, the reason why it sounds so silly and whatever about talking about you know, I love myself and I want to spend some time doing self-care the reason why it sounds so Whatever, I don't know Whatever, the term is Silly, goofy the reason why I think it sounds like that is because we don't do it enough. It's not normalized in society. It's not. People can talk about all they want until they're blue in the face and you know, oh, I made this statement, I did this and this and this, but at the end of the day, is there any action? Well, I can say that I founded an organization in the mental health side of things, on the big pillars of Voices for Voices, of sharing my story and others. We just got into some uncharted territory with a low percentage of people and organizations, having not only 250 plus episodes of the show, but now 260. And so I'm allowed to tell myself good job, way to go, keep it up, because I don't want my pie chart to be 100% negative or 100% Well, we did this good. Or I wish I would have said something this way and I wouldn't have said like and um and pause, and instead of doing that and beating myself up inside. We all make mistakes.

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