A Journey from 9/11 to Mental Wellness Advocacy | Episode 119

A Journey from 9/11 to Mental Wellness Advocacy | Episode 119

Chapter Markers
0:00 Facing Reality
12:36 Coping With Loss and Mental Health
27:23 Navigating Life and Mental Health

When the boundless horizons of youth meet the demanding cliffs of adulthood, we're often left reflecting on the moments that shape our journey. My own path took an unexpected turn when the 9/11 attacks made me question everything, leading me to swap accounting for marketing in college and sparking a fire for a career that truly resonated with me. In this heartfelt episode, I peel back the layers of these pivotal choices and share how embracing our true passions not only transforms our work but also energizes our entire lives.

Navigating through life's turbulence, we also encounter the profound challenges of mental health, especially in the face of loss. My story includes the period when my father bravely faced cancer and the emotional toll of his move to hospice care. I reveal how my role at Walsh University became a beacon of support for students wrestling with their own anxieties and stress. Together, we underscore the importance of mental wellness and the collective responsibility we bear to extend a hand—or a voice—to those who might be silently struggling alongside us. Join us as we affirm our shared humanity and the profound strength found in community and caring.

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So, if you are a high achiever or someone who wants more out of life, whether mentally, physically or spiritually, make sure you subscribe to our podcast right now!

As you can see, the Voices for Voices podcast publishes episodes that focus on case studies, real life examples, actionable tips and "in the trenches" reports and interviews from subscribers like you.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast. If you could do us a big favor, subscribe, like, share this episode and others that we have. We're well over a hundred episodes, so we would really appreciate that. Our goal is to help three billion people over the course of my lifetime and beyond, and we can't do that without you, your help, your support, and we thank you for that. So our Voices for Voices TV show and podcast is the number one ranked TV show and podcast where people turn to for expert mental health recovery and career advancement intelligence. Our TV show and podcast is all about teaching you insanely actionable techniques to help you prosper, grow your self-worth and your personal brand. So if you are a high achiever or know someone who is and wants something more out of life, whether mentally, physically or spiritually, please make sure you subscribe to our TV show and podcast right now. We very much appreciate that. So, as you can see, our TV show and podcast publishes episodes that focus on case studies, real-life examples, actionable tips and, in the trenches, reports and interviews from subscribers just like you. So that sounds like something that could help you or somebody you know grow personally or professionally. Then help us out and join us by subscribing. We really appreciate we can't do this without you. Thank you in advance.

Speaker 1: 1:46

So I think, as I was driving into the studio today pondering the topics of this episode, that when we think about life in general, right as human beings, it starts out you know, obviously, us as children and as we continue to grow, things seem larger than life. We go to our first ballgame or to our first concert, and the arena and the stadium just seems so larger than life that there's so much going on that we're not able to grasp as much because, right, we're smaller, we're shorter, and so that makes a lot of sense and the speed of life too, goes a little bit slower. I would say, whereas we feel, and speaking from experience, that there's always going to be a tomorrow, there's always going to be a next time, there's always going to be a next day of class, a next day where we'll get to go to a ballgame or we'll be able to go and play catch with our parents outside, if that's something we like to do, or go to the movie theater or go to a show, and things again just seem to go at a much slower rate and we're thinking again, there's always going to be a tomorrow that you know, we're always going to be alive, that our family is always going to be alive, that things are going to remain the same as we know it. That, as, as we know and as I've learned through three years being 42 took me a little bit longer, I think the to realize this, but Life isn't always going to continue in the way, in the manner that we, we, we assumed in the past and that we would like you know. We would like to believe that again, that we're gonna live forever, our parents are gonna live forever, our siblings, our nephews, our loved ones, our children and and I think that's a hard thing to really grapple with as, as we grow, grow up I can think back to being a freshman at Youngstown State University and the day that the 9-11 attacks happen, being in the dorm room and us kind of gathering around and and thinking, oh my gosh, you know what, what's going on, and trying to really just come to realization of what, what, what's happening event-wise.

Speaker 1: 4:36

And it was shortly after that time and I don't know if it was driven by the 9-11 Incidents that that occurred. But I found myself Really straddling to two sides. One side was going out and partying all the time, not worrying if I attended class, there's always again going to be tomorrow, yeah, I'll just be able to take out a student loan or that my parents are going to be able to pay, and they're going to continue to pay, even if I'm here five, six, seven years. And at some point that realization came to be like, okay, you know, mom and dad aren't always going to be able to help kind of dig me out of a Out of a hole and help out and help extend things, even though you know that's something that I would have liked. And so I had that, that decision to make a continue on and have to do things 100% on my own, without having a job, without having an internship or having help with you know, continuing help with and support with from my parents.

Speaker 1: 5:46

And and so the decision I made at some point was that I I needed to Really go to that, that opposite route, so stray from the party and all the time to, I'm not going to be in college forever, I don't want to just be taking classes that Don't mean as much to me and that I'm not emotionally tied to. And so that switch Changed my major from accounting to marketing, and so I soon found that that content that was in the the marketing side of things versus accounting, was much better suited for me. So I ended up attending more classes and being more engaged in class and answering questions and really putting thought and energy and into Into the whole homework and in the projects and in assignments and so at that time you know as getting that, that support that I've always gotten from my family, but that was kind of first first spot where I really needed to, you know, make a decision and go one way or the other and I was really no, say, mental side of things of being able to be a hundred percent on my own. At that time I, I still, I Still needed that, that support and and to know that somebody else was going to be there to to help me if I were to fall along the way as, as that that happened. So fast forward. Right, we've seen episode 106 where I've talked about my mental health history. So you can, you can check out episode 106 that I go into great detail, being interviewed by One of our prior guests, stacy Hayes, into again Kind of the play-by-play of my mental health throughout the course of my life, and so this episode is different, because we're talking about the realization, again, that things aren't always going to be the same.

Speaker 1: 7:52

And when we get to that point, how do we react and how do we, how do we prepare for the inevitable, that we all aren't going to be alive forever. Of you know, there's gonna be loved ones that you know, as we grow, grow older, there's gonna be loved ones that are in our lives that are gonna pass away. Some are gonna seem to, you know, sudden, through accidents, others may be prolonged with a disease that that causes kind of prolonged Suffering, and if we want to think about it that way, and and so that's where this episode really comes into play is the realization for me and us, as you know, the Voices for Voices organization where we, again, we're just realizing that life isn't going to continue on, people aren't going to live forever, and so I want to, you know, take us back to, you know, last July, and so my father was on Feelin' Well, went to the ER, had some tests done, come to find out that he had stage 4 cancer and it was treatable but not curable. So there's able to be some treatments that can go on the way, but it won't prolong life to the fullest. There would still be kind of they call it a terminal disease, so there's less medication or therapy or drug comes out to help, but that particular cancer that it's going to be terminal. So my dad's relatively young, at 73.

Speaker 1: 9:37

I'm 42, and it's taken me again a little bit longer throughout life to kind of mature and to grow, and when I made the decision to enter the hospital to have my mental health addressed since then in 2017, I've, as you've seen, taken, I think, a much healthier route to life and the time and the energy that I spend with the organization and the things that I do, personally valuing family a lot more, and not only my wife, my daughter, my mom, my dad, my sister, my nephews, my brother-in-law, cousins, aunts and uncles and I like to think that it's better late than never. So less than a year ago this diagnosis came and for my dad and the diagnosis was, you know, a year would be kind of what we'd be looking at from the amount of time that he'd still be with us. So then we have to think again. We're not invincible. So how do we best support individual that is going through an illness of any sort, let alone a terminal illness. And so we spent lots of time in the hospital, at chemo, at palliative care, at oncology appointments, getting second opinions at other hospitals and institutions just to make sure that there wasn't anything that we would be missing. And so, as this prognosis is going on right, life is continuing for me, for the organization, and that's where I want to give a big thank you to all the people on the counseling, the psychiatry side. That is part of my team that is helping me prior to this experience that we're going through now. But then to this day where I'm able to reach out at a moment's notice and if I need to text into the office and have a, if I'm not able to have an in-office visit, I can do Zoom, I can do a telephone call, I can do FaceTime what have you? And that has really helped me, because I don't know where I would be at if I didn't have those options and that help. And so this is. You know us as an organization. You know, as we try to be the biggest mental health advocates, that we can and help as many people as we can. We can't do that without some help and we shouldn't feel down about reaching out to to get some help.

Speaker 1: 12:36

I'm just finishing up teaching three classes at Walsh University and as college students, just in general right, they're going through a lot of stress. They're going through test anxiety, presentation anxiety, relationships, being away from home, all kinds of things, and having been there I knew that what I wanted to bring to the classroom was a little bit of that human side of things of you know. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to do that to not feel, you know that the stigma that's out there for some individuals, but to be okay, going forward, reaching out, using the resources that are available. That's what they're there for and if we want to increase our longevity as individuals, that we should think of not just. You know healthy eating and you know all those types of things, but you know our mind needs nourishers as well. So we're talking to somebody taking some time away from screens. You know all the some of the cliche things that we've heard, you know hundreds of times. But as a true testimony to that, hopefully I am somewhat of an inspiration to say, oh, okay, that there's another individual and there's more of me and there's a lot of people out there that are stepping forward now accepting the help because they're finding that it's helpful in one way or another. So fast forward to current state, so we're within that year window, so we're filming this, obviously ahead of when you're going to be seeing it and hearing it and listening, etc.

Speaker 1: 14:27

So at the current time the disease, the cancer, has spread from where it started to the brain and that started to negatively affect memory and a little bit of the way we think of dementia, not remembering some things, remembering others. So we started to notice that, found out that the cancer had spread to the brain and there was an option for radiation that could extend potentially to the life. Doctors, they know a lot but nobody has that crystal ball except the Lord above or whoever your higher power is. And so when that happened, my dad had gone through a ton of treatment all the way up until that point Other hospital visits associated with the disease, different infections, and so he made a decision which I think we're all entitled to, to decide to go forward with treatment or to not. And so he decided that at this point that he didn't want this additional treatment because with that additional treatment was the potentials of other side effects, of more memory loss and the quality of life for a short amount of time wouldn't be there, but the hope was that it would improve over time. And so that's kind of the information we were given. And so my dad made the decision that he's at peace with where he's at and wanted to go home because we're in the hospital for the latest, finding out the latest spread to the brain, and so that's where he's at today and we just got I'm not saying just got word, so he's entered hospice at home and with that we were kind of given the two-minute warning of two weeks or less. And that was a week and a half ago and now things appear to be imminent.

Speaker 1: 16:43

So what I talked about earlier in the episode about as we're younger, we have no fear, call it, and there's always going to be a tomorrow when I wake up, my mom, my dad or my guardians, they're going to be there. And obviously, as we grow up, things change. We move out. Some of us get married, some of us don't, some of us have long-term relationships, some don't, by the very choices. But as that goes on, loved ones and individuals come and go, and I seen those two, you know, helping out.

Speaker 1: 17:17

I'm at now the realization that in a very short amount of time, that you know somebody who I've looked up to from you know the as much as I can remember. You know my dad. You know that always, seemingly in my eyes of being invincible of you know there's nothing that my my dad can't do, always Helping me as well as my mom, anytime they can, however they can, whether it's financial or just moral support or support, and my mental health recovery journey that I'm on and and so that's tough and so that affects mental health, right. So those are things of. Well, there's gonna come a time, and a very short period of time from now, where I'm not gonna be able to go Visit, I'm not gonna be able to go See and spend time with him and I think the biggest thing again from asking aside from asking for help and and to have conversations with therapists and psychiatrists, if, if medication is the route you're on or if not, you know, have those, have those talks and those, those discussions, and If I didn't have that at this point, this is a huge hurdle.

Speaker 1: 18:34

It's the closest person To me that will have passed on. You know grandparents that passed on prior, earlier, when I was much younger. But a parent, you know it's, it's, it's hard, and so that's why I wanted to share this episode of Kind of what, what else as humans are going through. You know, you, you see in here a lot of the episodes and a lot of the, the great content that we have, that we're sharing. The event the individuals were able to bring and speak to either in person or through zoom, and these mission trips were.

Speaker 1: 19:17

We've gone on and we're gonna continue to go on, and and so well, again, those are, those are great things us as humans. If we're not, you know, taking taking care of us as as individuals, it's gonna be hard to continue those things. So I have had a very hard, hard time Going, going through this, the situation of not knowing like when, the, when, the day is going to be right. So I'm at the studio today, so I may get a call or maybe the text after filming this episode that you know I talk about imminency from you know we have a week or week and a half potentially to you know we have hours and, and so I Don't know how I'm gonna react. I've never gone through a situation like this.

Speaker 1: 20:02

But, again, from the you know the mental health side that I can only just stress that that has been really a savior, because nobody really knows what we're going through except ourselves. Right, you know we, you know, and we can't see the bruise or the, or you know if we have a Broken bone or we're not able to see that and see that heal with a cast or have surgery, you know, these are things that we, we, can't see. So unless we really, you know, take a deep breath and and make the decision that it might be best just to chat with somebody, you might chat with somebody one time and you might not have to go back Because I am on an act of recovery. That's, that's my story, that's my experience, and so that's what I'm sharing. But your story is gonna be much different and it might take again a whole different path. So that's one thing that we get some feedback sometimes like oh my gosh, I don't want to do this because I'm going, you know, reach out for her for help, because I don't want to have to talk to somebody for the rest of my life or take medication. Well, guess what? That was me. That was me when I made that decision. There's a lot of thoughts to win through my head that I don't want to invent myself to. You know, one of the psychiatric ward Wings said to the hospital because I was afraid like, oh my gosh, because up until that point I I was With the party and had kind of kicked back in for me, and so I was like, oh my gosh, if I, if I'm a medication, I'm not gonna be able to party, I'm not gonna continue to be able to consume alcohol. And Again, when I was faced with kind of here's the direction you can go and get some help, or not, I am thankful and grateful that I was able to do that, because there have been many times that in the past, right out of high school, you know, took 32 clothing cough pills, overdosed, and so my life could have been ended at that point. And so for me to make it all the way to 42, I feel like, if I'm going to continue on this journey, which I'm going to, that I need all the help that I can have.

Speaker 1: 22:21

We think of sports teams, right there's. Think of a baseball, an American baseball. So, yeah, the manager who manages the whole team as a whole, you have the pitching coach, you have the hitting coach, you have strength and conditioning and you have maybe a chiropractor as well. You have all these and the medical facilities of surgeries need to take place and physical therapists, and so I like to draw that parallel of you know individuals that are at the highest level on. You know team sports, and even if it's an individual sport like tennis, trust me, there's still a team behind the scenes that's helping that. You know that tennis player continue on.

Speaker 1: 23:04

And part of that there's the mental side of things of you know a lot of sport is physical, right, so having the strength and the durability and the flexibility. But there's others that, okay, if it's, you know, if you're playing baseball, you're in the World Series game seven. You know three balls, two strikes, two outs and you're a bat. Yeah, you have that physical ability to you know, hopefully, put the ball in play and score that game, game one in World Series, a championship winning run, and but that mental side of it, okay, what do I think he's gonna throw me? He's gonna throw me a curveball, he's gonna throw me a fastball, he's gonna throw me a cutter, a knuckleball and all those things. Right, that comes between the ears. And so, whether, again, we're a world-class athlete, an entertainer, you know, like Taylor Swift, you know doing her thing in front of you know, stadiums full 60, 80, 90, sometimes 100,000 persons crowd.

Speaker 1: 24:16

There's still a mental side of things of not just remember the music, remember the dance moves, remember where I'm supposed to go, which song, and remember the lyrics and playing an instrument too. There's a lot of things that come into play, that a lot of practice and preparation can go into, but at the end of the day it's really you and I as individuals and the best thing we can do is prepare our minds the best way that we can. And I often get asked how do I have the Justin, how do you have the energy to do as much as you do with the voices for voices organization? And I get asked do you drink coffee, do you drink red bulls and that side of things? And I don't. Obviously, for me alcohol wasn't a good spot in my life, so over seven years staying kind of sober on that and then other substances would kind of come and go, with varying party scenes and times like that.

Speaker 1: 25:31

But as I'm here today, I hope that my hopefully energy and inspiration I mean it's just one little nugget that you or somebody know has found through our multitude of episodes we're shooting for have 200 total episodes between here in studio, what we call the Big Show. We have the Big Show Voices for Voices drop. That's the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast, where we have this beautiful setup and due to the great people you know, hudson Community television being able to do that. And then we have, you know, other episodes where we might be doing some traveling and so we might bring some episodes that way that might not have the similar background that you see, but we feel that, you know, from time to time it's helpful to bring things in different times, different angles, different perspectives. So now I don't drink coffee, try to stay away from caffeine in general, because that kind of increases my anxiety, and just really made that decision that I want to help others.

Speaker 1: 26:52

And so with my father, given his prognosis, I mean he has meant and he means the world to me, to my family.

Speaker 1: 27:05

We're going to miss seeing them physically, but we know that spiritually, you know, we'll be in heaven and we'll be able to talk and we'll be able to see us, you know, do some positive and great things, and so that's what this episode is all about.

Speaker 1: 27:23

We cover kind of the kind of lifespan of how things seem, you know, big at first, and then, as we grow and then we have to, we're held more accountable, I guess, in certain senses of being able to pay bills and to like, and if we want to travel, that we have the money to be able to do so. And aside from the relationship, aside of things and hopefully the mental health side is a side that you at least take a look at Again, we're not forcing anything, we just feel that it is helpful, and as helpful as you can be yourself is how helpful you'll be able to be to others. So thank you for joining us on this episode, the Voices for Voices TV show and podcast, the Big Show. I am your host, justin Allen Hayes, founder executive director of Voices for Voices. We can't do this without you, so we're open to any and all support and until next time, please be a voice for you or somebody in need. Take care.