HiStory | Lived Experience of Justin Alan Hayes | Episode 106

HiStory | Lived Experience of Justin Alan Hayes | Episode 106

We are flipping the script in this riveting episode. Join us as our guest, Staci Hayes, takes a detour from the norm and probes into the life of your usual host, yours truly, Justin Alan Hayes. Sit back and explore my journey from a baseball-loving kid in Ohio to the founder of Voices for Voices—an initiative that amplifies untold stories. See the world through my lens; how my family, my community, and my experiences shaped the notion that every story deserves a platform.

Ever felt like you didn't quite fit into the mold? Or perhaps, you've struggled with the pressure of perfectionism? You're not alone. This episode brings to light the struggle of finding self-worth amidst the din of self-comparison that is all too common in today's digital age. Listen as I share my personal battle with self-doubt, the transformative power of finding my confidence, and the journey of self-discovery that led me to my passion—giving a voice to the voiceless.

This episode is not just about a walk down memory lane or personal struggles; it’s also a testament to the importance of stepping out of one's comfort zone. We discuss the significance of investing in oneself, planning for the future, and the value of in-person interactions. I share my experiences from a recent trip to the war-torn country of Ukraine, providing a stark reality check. Highlighting the importance of pursuing one's passion, we’ll discuss the apparent risks and undeniable rewards. Join us as we celebrate human connections, the journey towards self-acceptance, and the importance of mental health.

Voices for Voices is the #1 ranked podcast where people turn to for expert mental health, recovery and career advancement intelligence.

Our Voices for Voices podcast is all about teaching you insanely actionable techniques to help you prosper, grow yourself worth and personal brand.

So, if you are a high achiever or someone who wants more out of life, whether mentally, physically or spiritually, make sure you subscribe to our podcast right now!

As you can see, the Voices for Voices podcast publishes episodes that focus on case studies, real life examples, actionable tips and "in the trenches" reports and interviews from subscribers like you.

If that sounds like something that could help you grow personally or professionally, then make sure to join me by subscribing!

Chapters
0:00 Flipping the Script
14:55 Overcoming Challenges and Finding Purpose
22:16 Navigating Self-Comparison and Finding Passion
31:03 Sharing Bold Experiences and Goals
46:22 Choices, Goals, and Passion

—
Thanks for listening!

Support the Show: https://bit.ly/3XPWeMm

#voicesforvoices #knowyourselfworth #SelfWorth #Confidence #ComfortZone #mensmentalhealthawearness #mensmentalhealth #mentalhealth #selfesteem #bestversionofyourself #newversionofyourself #knowyourselfworth #Japan #Tokyo #Osaka #Singapore #Malaysia #Australia #Sydney #Melbourne #Brisbane #KualaLumpur

Transcript

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 0:00

Welcome to the Voices for Voices TV show podcast. I am your host, Justin Alan Hayes, executive director and founder of Voices for Voices. If you could do us a big favor and like and share this episode so we can reach more people, we'd really appreciate it. So today's episode is gonna be a little bit different. We're joined in studio by our guest, who we had on episode number 98. Her name is Staci Hayes, and we've kind of talked about flipping the script. So this episode is gonna be with Staci taking the lead and asking questions about my past and childhood and how we got to where we're at today. So, Staci, thanks for coming back and joining us again, Justin, how's it going?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 0:55

Very good.

Staci Hayes: 0:56

I'm glad to be back.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 0:57

Yeah, glad to have you and excited to see the evolution of how this this goes kind of nervous.

Staci Hayes: 1:05

Oh, I bet. Yeah, it's a little different when you flip the script a little bit, huh.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 1:09

Yeah.

Staci Hayes: 1:09

So when I was here for my interview, that was something that I offered to you was to kind of come and interview. So what kind of made you that, made you make the choice that, yes, this is something I'd like to do?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 1:21

I think the big thing was well timing, making sure that we could fit it in and get it in this season, and then really trying to take the organization and what we're doing really down to the foundation of how we got started, what my influencers were growing up and to where we're at today, and so all those things kind of culminated and were able to get scheduled and so wanted to do it. So, as we'll talk a little bit later with sharing my, my mental health story kind of with the world through book form, this is also sharing some of the backstory for those that may have seen episodes, heard of the organization, seen social media posts and wanted to get a little more in depth about us and the organization.

Staci Hayes: 2:20

And I think this is something your listeners will really appreciate too, because what I find so compelling about your organization is that it genuinely is elevating the stories of others, and then, at a time where everyone is screaming to have their voices heard, you are using it to amplify the story of others which I just absolutely connect with and love. So, to start out with, just tell us a little bit about how you grew up.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 2:42

Yeah, grew up northeast Ohio, Massillon, Ohio. I have a sister four years older than me. Parents, mother and father they're still together today and they were a big influence on doing family activities, when we're able to go into ball games, when money was available discretionary we would go on family vacations and so enjoyed the time, whether it was at the beach or at Disney or really just hanging out with with family. And then sports were very important to me and I didn't realize at the time how, how much those experiences are really engulfed in who I was as an individual and how much of that I took on as my personality versus time away from sports. So as we'll continue, kind of that kind of separation anxiety from that as I started to grow started to creep in. Kind of discovering who I was as an individual away from sports became tough.

Staci Hayes: 4:03

So big football, town, big football town, family-wise, bigger baseball family.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 4:13

So every Indians game have on the radio. They weren't quite to the point where they were on on TV every, every game. Grandparents, we would make two or three trips to the stadium as a family to go to game and then we would actually stop at Belgrade Garden in Barberton to get chicken dinner on the way back home from from the, from the game, so that was that you put the loaves of bread on the table. Yeah.

Staci Hayes: 4:45

Okay, yeah, is it still there?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 4:47

I believe so. Yeah, they had a couple locations, and I think the flagship one is the one only standing.

Staci Hayes: 4:53

Okay, so not only are you describing kind of this like personal relationship with sports, but it was also like this family kind of to do.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 5:00

It was yeah.

Staci Hayes: 5:03

So what you said, baseball was the one that you connected to the most. Yes, okay, what about baseball? What was?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 5:09

it. I think I was good at it at a young age, did well in kind of the regular season team and made multiple all-star teams and was able to do some traveling and play against some teams kind of outside the local area and I was getting a lot of playing time and I felt good and just that I was naturally good at it and so I was like, oh, I'm good at this, so it's the season, so we're gonna practice and go from there. And so I'd say from like I say maybe like age nine to twelve or so, it was heavily influenced where I was at kind of the top of the game making all that all-star games, all-star teams, one of the top pitchers, so we would play tournaments. I was asked to start and so I felt that I was good enough to do that and outsiders view I don't not sure that just kind of like how I felt kind of going through the process that I was good enough to do these things so I was just gonna continue.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 6:34

And then also did basketball and then a smaller degree soccer.

Staci Hayes: 6:38

But baseball was kind of the the mindset of like seeing myself in the world series playing, kind of dreaming was a young kid to that like absolutely consumed your life, and what you're almost explaining to me is like it consumed your identity oh, hundred percent yeah so what was that? Like you're twelve years old and you're trying to kind of transition to high school, like you know 13, 14 years old kind of women from there, how were you able to grow these other parts of your personality?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 7:08

so I really wasn't. Interpersonal relationships, the very awkward I had braces twice, I had a lot of acne on my face, so a lot of just kind of those types of growing pains. Never really I'm saying never, but didn't feel part of a group or part of, even though I was playing sports and on teams, kind of away from the field, away from the gym I use this as an example I wasn't being asked to go to parties or to hang out with the cool kids and I'm like what's going on? I'm on a team and I'm playing and and I'm not included, and so I these disparities of, oh, well, so and so parents or doctors or lawyers and and so that whole judging.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 8:03

Well, I didn't want to do it. I was kind of doing it because I'm like, well, I'm being put in this position just psychologically, even if it wasn't true didn't make their parents any better than mine. It was just, well, the lawyers and their kids hang out and and the like. And you know, I'm driving a sand brown minivan and they're driving at the time brand new, the Eclipse and some BMWs, and so just from that it was like, oh okay, well, we don't want to have Justin come with us and and hang out now whether they had those conversations. I don't know.

Staci Hayes: 8:44

Yeah, that's just how I felt yeah, well, just extremely isolated isolated yeah yeah, and I think that's not on what so many teenagers experience and they're like a very common narrative, but when you're in it you feel so alone and so like unrelatable, and it's just like the last thing you want to feel as a teenager is feeling like you don't belong anywhere yes so how did you work through that?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 9:05

really I'll say I didn't for all these answers, but I really really did it. I had again trying to fall back on what I knew it was sports, feeling that I had been good for so long that that was going to continue in the high school. Well, freshman year that didn't happen. I didn't make the JV team, even though playing many years with the same kids, I felt I was as good, if not better, and so I was kind of relegated and I'm like well, what's going on? What's the deal? So then I ended up transferring to schools, thinking well, that would help the problem, and so transferred schools.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 9:52

I was elevated to JV and then I was having arm troubles and in my rotator cuff so I ended up having a surgery and I was prescribed I think it was Vicodin after the surgery and so I guess that was like the first time I was like introduced to like any type of pain killer that wasn't like a Tylenol or Motrin and I I guess, looking back I don't know that that was like the start of like the the trend downhill with being prescribed that. But I didn't really feel right after that. It was kind of like oh well, this makes me feel good and better and I got this social situation. That's just super awkward and but I can, I can go to this, and so I was kind of like looking for things that I could use as a crutch and and so the surgery was the one thing, and then, with the while I was on the prescription, that was the next thing, but then what really was a detriment was hanging out with, kind of the like, the outcast or the individuals that didn't have kind of the outliers.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 11:14

So we all kind of came together and so we would get together and we would slip class from time to time and, since we weren't old enough to consume alcohol, ended up taking 32 Colmenkopf medicine pills overdose, was in the hospital for a couple days and that was like, oh okay, well, I can't do this, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna do this. I use kind of that. Unfortunately, that competitive spirit that I had, I like oh, my friends are taking 16, so I'm gonna take more. Because I'm competitive, not thinking about like in fact, I might die and might be.

Staci Hayes: 11:57

We sound like a teenager. Yeah just trying to feel better, trying to fit in. What would you say to that kiddo?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 12:04

right now, oh my gosh. And now it's so tough with the screen, so we didn't really have the screens with iPads and the phones like we had I? This is a really hard question. I guess I would say that you don't need other things like substances or People that are gonna build you up if that's not the healthiest thing for you. And I know kind of growing up it's like oh, I want to do things because I can't do it.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 12:40

And I'm not supposed to do this. So I'm gonna gonna do this and really just looking into yourself and say, like, what do I like, what do I like to do? And and go out of from from that round and hopefully have the family help and support Parents or grandparents, aunts and uncles, that will kind of support you and what, what, what you're doing. And so I think the family structure is is huge too, because if Family's not there, then it makes getting into that Negative zone all the more easier because like, oh, they don't care, they're not with me and they're not Supporting me.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 13:23

And it might not be that they're not supporting me because they don't want to. They might just not know. They might say, wow, I'm not good at drawing and she likes art and Whatever those things are, and so that they might disengage from that instead of sitting with with the, the child or Adolescent, and and ask it out, we all like, what do you? They well, makes you feel good, like when you do a Subject at school, when you do a project, when you're playing this sport, what are those? Those?

Staci Hayes: 13:54

things up to them.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 13:55

Yes, communication.

Staci Hayes: 13:57

Yeah, what is it like for you to kind of put yourself back into that mindset?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 14:02

Oh it's scary.

Staci Hayes: 14:03

I mean, yeah, there's like scared like you're kind of like shocked that you were able to get through it, or what was what's the yeah I?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 14:12

think I think shocked that I was able to to get through it. I'm, given all the different Her extra hurdles I I gave to myself that I didn't, didn't need that. So many were self induced where I'd make a decision and like, okay, this isn't the right thing to do, but I'm gonna do it anyways.

Staci Hayes: 14:33

Well, given your competitive background, it's like if you didn't have those challenges anymore. You were getting bored and creating them for yourself.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 14:40

Oh, yeah, 100%.

Staci Hayes: 14:43

Yeah, because I think you know like there's something about teenagers and how they're evolutionarily, biologically wired to just think their parents are full of garbage at a certain point, so that they're able to kind of venture off, and it's terrifying. And I think you mentioned screens and the ability of this generation to find people who are more like them, and we really didn't have that then no.

Staci Hayes: 15:04

So you felt even more isolated, and not that you can't feel isolated in today's time, but every generation kind of has these unique challenges and you kind of see that this was a particular barrier for you.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 15:15

Yeah, I was a huge barrier and even today, with the, with the screens and being pulled in Many different directions, and what should I focus my time on? And know that I can't do everything, that I'm not a machine, that I can't compare myself to what a staff of 20 is doing, and and an organization has been around a hundred years versus my Organization it's been around a lot less time. And that comparison and just doing what we think is gonna help somebody and and Try not to worry about those external factors, but it's hard.

Staci Hayes: 15:57

Oh, I bet. So it's almost like there's this perfectionism to you too, which I think tons of people can relate to, how much that's such an issue and such a boundary and such a speed bump to doing anything, and a lot of time people say, well, that's an excuse, because then you can procrastinate and you never have to be done with it. But if you lean into that too far, then you never get anything done, you never help anybody. So how do you think you've been able to kind of overcome Not only the competitiveness, which is a very positive thing, and a perfectionistic kind of tendency. How did you overcome that to be able to accomplish what you've done so far?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 16:30

Yeah, so six years ago I really hit rock bottom kind of mentally, found myself in one of the psych or Zach and General Hospital for five days, and that was, I say, like rock bottom, because no screens on basically suicide watch making sure that you're being safe and and not harming yourself. And and it really wasn't till to then, even though that was like the lowest point, it was still, I say, starting that trend upwards, because I was starting to Value who I was, minus the substances, minus the Just the, all the other turmoil, all the things that I I was bad habits that was bringing along. And so once I did that and that was a hard decision was marriage first, wasn't even six months, and so it was a voluntary thing where they weren't gonna pink slip me in. They said, well, you could, we can release you, you're not dying right now, or we can, we can bring you in, and here's what the average stay is and you'll be evaluated. And I asked, my wife was like what do I do? And she's like, well, I would have what, whatever you think you need to do.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 17:58

And up until that point I was Feeling that I knew all the answers, or I was able to find it through Google or like let me take this vitamin, I'll help me be less stress, let me do this or do that. And and that was at the point where I was Selfless, was like I can't do anything on my own and if this continues, then this, this could potentially be it for for me, because I didn't have anything else I could really fall back on that I was doing, that I felt was positive enough and, and so when I made that decision, the whole All asking for help being put on medication, things that I was like I'm never gonna do that. I'm never gonna be somebody that has to take Medication because I want to do what I want to do and I don't need that and I can just get through this next situation. But I wasn't able to. I was in Meetings, at work and was feeling like I was passing out, so I'd have to leave and all kind of awkward things, and I wasn't eating. I dropped 30 pounds and I was like I I need help and so, again, well, that was the hardest part. I think it was also one of the best decisions that I've made and I felt for the first time in a long time, I was able to like breathe.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 19:25

Just up until a point, you know, you read articles. You say, oh, here's five tips of your reduceness dress, go for a walk and do these things. And, yeah, I was doing those things, but there was just so much I needed to unpack that I, if I didn't do that, none of those other things really mattered. And so when I did that and started to Just be a human and say, okay, I'm not, you know, some super person Nobody is, and I shouldn't have felt like that anyways but that whole feeling of, oh, I can handle everything and you know, I'm gonna be the breadwinner for the rest of my life and and so all these things have kind of really flipped the script.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 20:10

And now my wife's the breadwinner and I'm doing more kind of emotional, tied work, but it's work that I like to do, doesn't feel as much like work as as what Other other things that I've done, and so there's that whole whole thing. And so, looking back, of what would I tell myself or tell a kid in that situation? That, unfortunately, society is built around Making money and paying bills and all those things. But if you take that aside, you find something that you you like to do and continue on that road and you can You'll slowly be able to turn that into a career at some, some level and and it's hard to see as somebody, a kid growing up. But that's something that I wish that in my 20s, that Voices for voices and sharing my mental health story, that I was able to accept it.

Staci Hayes: 21:11

I wish I was able to do that my 20s instead of my 30s, but I Would challenge you to say that you almost needed to go through what you did, because you have such this extreme Compassion for the human condition. And if you hadn't gone through it and you hadn't overcome it, I don't think it'd be very relatable to the people that you're talking to, or you know your audience. So so much to kind of unpack there, right. So I think what you would tell yourself is Find something you're passionate about, find a purpose yeah, without saying that, because teenagers may not be able to wrap their head around that, but just kind of pulling the threads to find out what makes them feel proud of themselves. Like what? What is it?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 21:56

Oh.

Staci Hayes: 21:59

Right, yeah, really hard question yeah. I don't know, because, as Just something you're excited about, something you feel like, yeah, that's.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 22:10

Yeah, something you're good at.

Staci Hayes: 22:11

So one thing I was like the secret to the universe for us go.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 22:14

Yeah, so I would. I, among other things, I was doing a lot of judging, not only to my peers in sports, out of sports, at school, out of school, but I was also, as the youngest child, my sister she was like straight-A student coming out of college, had four job offers and she didn't have it easy by any stretch, but that's what I was at a, at a family level like I. I was starting to like compare myself to, I'm like I'm like a C student, maybe it'd be, maybe I should just go go into the service. And so there was a time I was like I'm gonna do that. And now my parents are like is this really what you want to do? And you'll find something you like to do, and and so I was just so they were supportive.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 23:07

Oh, they were supportive and a lot of this was in my head. So, my, it was nothing that my sister said like, oh, look at me, right, but when I and even to this day I have that look at me when I do things, or I'm around things where I do Something good, I'm like look, look at this pic, look what I did, because I it's just that like validation, that it, for whatever reason that it means, because I don't feel validated and other areas with, with, with, I'm not having that.

Staci Hayes: 23:41

It's just nice to hear, though, too.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 23:42

It's nice to hear, yeah. So I'm like, look what I did. And so my sister would have All days and then I would come home with like bees and like Justin, like what's going on? Yeah, and then I would get like one out of like ten papers I would get an a or a b-plus. And I look, I got a sticker and in those types of things where I was just not, I was not addressing them in my own mind and it wasn't that my family was. They never talked down on me, they weren't like oh Heather's way up here, justin, you're down here. It was just more something that was continued to be in my head that I was like, oh well, I'm gonna be like my sister, so I'm gonna go into accounting. Then I got Into some of the higher-level accounting classes, like I don't like this.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 24:31

Yeah so I'm like I'm a sophomore, I don't know what I want to do. I looked at criminal justice, I took some criminal justice courses and then I landed on well, I don't want to have to go to school for an extra couple of years, let me see if I can find something within the business college that I like. And so my roommate at the time he was a marketing major and he's like hey, why don't you take a marketing course? And so I think that from a Having to give a presentation and be in front of people even though that started with me a drinking alcohol before Presentations, because I was like super nervous and everybody's looking at me and but I'd have feel that was like where the feeling of Feeling good, of here's something I like to do. I don't know how to go about doing this on like a more regular basis. Okay, not the alcohol and standing in front of people.

Staci Hayes: 25:31

Yeah, okay, yeah. So I think there's a lot of research to suggest that the relationship among your siblings is Actually more important than with your parents, because they always talk about the family constellation and how you grow up and Birth order is like the number one pop culture. People love hearing about birth order and how that affects your development and where you're at. But you have this competitive kind of spirit in the family. That's not necessarily negative, because I think you know I think I don't know when competitiveness turned into such a negative thing, but my hope is that it's always competitive with yourself, not so much with the others around you. But what were some of the other? Like kind of unspoken laws or rules or spoken in your family?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 26:15

I don't know, I really don't. There weren't any the really jump out. I mean, go in the class, don't your homework. It's kind of showing up because they yeah.

Staci Hayes: 26:30

You weren't getting to these baseball events by yourself, and sometimes that's your entire weekend. You've got double headers, you've got trouble headers, so showing up, could that have been one that you're thinking about?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 26:40

yeah, showing up, being being competitive, just trying your your best, and Now looking back, when it was pretty easier at the time, and say I didn't care, in the sense that I wasn't analyzed and every little thing that I was doing playing, I was just playing, I was just being a kid, I was batting, I was pitching, I was throwing, I was catching, and that that part became natural. And it wasn't until the social isolation, the switching schools, the surgery and and all those things really started to to creep in.

Staci Hayes: 27:15

I'm not being how you anticipated, or anticipated, or how they were promised, right?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 27:20

Yeah, my name's not on the list for this team. Yeah, what's going on? Like didn't they come out and see and talk to the coaches, and what's going on. So then I started doubting myself going. Well, obviously there's something wrong with me, because all these years I was at this top level and there should have been no reason why I Wasn't continuing that right.

Staci Hayes: 27:46

You're almost describing to me like this muddling through, yeah, kind of just like showing up, going through the motions and that could have relied on that. Hey, you show up and do the best you can with what you got and then what you have that day is what you have.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 27:57

Yes okay.

Staci Hayes: 27:58

so it's almost like okay, we get to college, we find this. We're like, hmm, that was kind of fun, like it made me nervous, but because you wanted to do a good job. And then you're like, okay, I'm connecting to being in front of people, yeah, go from there.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 28:12

Yeah, that that was. I'll say that was, that was big it really was. I was looking after that initial presentation.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 28:25

Okay, I like doing this, even though, like, terrified me and everybody's looking at me and you know they don't not probably not listening and I got it's just ingrained in my head and I started to look for Organizations that I was able to to do that, to have prep presenting opportunity. So I there is a organization called students and free enterprise. We want to Purdue for a weekend event and I was able to, I mean, be a college student and go out and do the partying thing but then also have a chance to be able to present at the end of the competition and we, our school, did good and we were able to get a second place out of, I think, six or seven teams and then got a scholarship for the school. And so I Think that was another catalyst of like, oh, I, I like that, even though it's Terrifying and I'm getting nervous, I, I like doing it.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 29:29

And that anticipation of, oh Well, I'm gonna put in the time now. So I feel like I know the content when I'm, when I'm speaking, whatever that that might be, instead of Reading from a script, which is still okay to do, sure, but in situations and that I've learned from then feedback and just being authentic if I don't have 100% of a script that I kind of go with the flow and how I'm feeling that hopefully that'll connect a little bit more with the audience.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 30:13

So like oh, okay he's just a regular person.

Staci Hayes: 30:16

Yeah.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 30:17

Like, yeah, he's doing these things and part of his organization and you know to do traveling and all these things. At the end of the day, he's just having a conversation.

Staci Hayes: 30:26

Yeah, so it's almost like the beautiful things that adrenaline can do if you open it up a little bit.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 30:33

Yeah, so I was taking the energy and time that I was putting into predominantly alcohol in my 20s and 30s and taking that energy and putting it into positive things. I often get asked like how do you have the energy? Do you drink coffee? And I don't. I'm just using what I now know like the ADHD and OCD Sure, I'm using that energy and that mindset to do these things.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 31:03

And so, as we were talking earlier about some things that are coming up and things that we've recently done, that to somebody that isn't like-minded or entrepreneurial and spirit trying to explain the thought process of what I'm working on now that might not come to fruition for six months or three months or a year, because I think so much of our society is like what are we doing now, what are we doing today? And so if I'm doing something like, okay, well, why are you doing it? Who are you doing it with? How are you getting paid? And all these things come up and say, well, there's things that, from a planning perspective, just have to look out a little bit into the future. And I like the thing that if you don't invest kind of in yourself and what you're doing, then it's just going to be tough. And so that's where I think some of the experiences and the traveling and the meeting that are people on the interview and in talking and just going out and doing it Like, why are you doing that? You didn't have to do that and we were talking earlier about in this episode or after we do this, but we're, as an organization, giving an award the voice of the year to one of our previous guests, tyrus, and so he's in New York City most of the time doing his work with Fox News. And so I decided, hey, why I don't have? We don't have hundreds of thousands of followers and those things. How can we help elevate our brand and our organization? And so we're going to fly there for a day, meet with him in person and present an award, get a couple of pictures and be able to post that and share that. And so that whole in person thing I think it's going to be big and answering some of the critics like, well, why are you doing this? Or bringing politics into it?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 33:19

It's not about that. It's about an individual who has a platform and is just being themselves. When we were talking to him, he said that I'm not given an agenda of what to speak about. I can just be myself. And he was speaking about being a dad and a husband and his career going from being a professional wrestler and two other things he wanted to do. So all things us as individuals, we do, and so, whether you're in New York or LA or Chicago or wherever, those are things that we can take some of his experience and other experience and just relate and say, yeah, he does this thing, it's relatable, he's a father, he's a dad, he's just given his opinion. And that's where kind of voices for voices we're trying to share that and share the varying opinions and the various voices of individuals, from a person on the front line in Ukraine war to somebody like Ramona Robinson or Tyrus or Temple Grandin or Judy Rubin and many, many more.

Staci Hayes: 34:41

So there's so much that I heard in there that I think was really good, kind of going back to where, at a time where everything is politicized and you're talking about voices for voices and not feeling this need to remain neutral but connect with the things that you, as a human being, connect to, as I'm, as a human being.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 34:58

Oh, absolutely, and nothing more so than the trip we took in late May and early June going to Ukraine. And so I tell people that we don't necessarily agree with everything a particular country or particular people are doing, but there are people that are being affected, and so by going and traveling and seeing individuals in a war time and experiencing the air raid sirens and all these things that here in the US we luckily don't, we don't have to be able to just bring some of that, some of those voices back of. You know, here are individuals and whether we agree on you know why and what's going on. There's individuals that they have to make a living, that still pay their bills. They can't be holed up in a bomb shelter for a super extended period of time because there's still bills to pay in different things. And so some questions are like well, you know how?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 36:10

You know, seeing some of the pictures, I guess, of our trip, you were like oh well, this is Ukraine, this is in war, we're sending the billions of dollars to them, but the thing is that the air raid sirens they're not on 24 hours a day, seven days a week. There's different periods of time and different areas that happen. And so by being there, being out in the main square, and then air raid, sirens go off, and then going into a bomb shelter for, you know, a half hour or so, you know being able to just experience that and try to share some of that experience, of some of the things that I know I've taken advantage and been ungrateful for in the past.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 36:56

I mean just like shelter and food and security.

Staci Hayes: 36:59

Safety.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 36:59

Safety.

Staci Hayes: 37:02

Because when I first met you, I think you were still like on a little bit of a high. Your heart was full.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 37:05

Yeah.

Staci Hayes: 37:06

When you came back, but it was dangerous at times.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 37:09

Oh, absolutely it was very dangerous. It definitely takes many safety security precautions with different types of bulletproof clothing and the likes to just be as safe as possible and to really trust that the contacts that I had who had invited me there weren't just bringing me into some trap to be captured and, you know, in the like. So I had to have a lot of trust in people I really didn't know all that well. Yeah, if I look at well, you know, you have friends and you know for many years and things.

Staci Hayes: 37:56

A friend of a friend, of a friend of a friend, at that point.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 37:59

Yeah, it's like, okay, well, we're taping the show. And then they get invited and it's like, well, I'm going to be over in the region, maybe I can sneak a trip in there. And then those things really started to get in my mind, like, why not? And so I think that's what some of what separates our organization and what we're trying to do, of trying to be bold. And so these things that were some of the things we're doing.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 38:25

They are bold and we don't have to do that, and some of them, you know, the safety is hard to hard at times of, you know, for instance, being at 80 degree weather and having, you know, a bulletproof clothing on and makes it super hot, being on transportation with no air conditioning, and so they're just things that you're uncomfortable with but wanted to continue to do it. And I say we're lucky to be able to make it through and say, okay, well, how can we continue on this journey? That, while we're helping people here at home in Northeast Ohio, but we as an organization, we want to help everybody. So I have this huge goal of trying to help 3 billion people, and then the incredible part about that is we, just as a brand, we just hit close to 3 billion people worldwide who have seen our brand. So there was.

Staci Hayes: 39:30

Wow, congratulations. Thank you, it is a huge deal.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 39:33

And I never I'll say I never thought. I mean I put this goal and I didn't think it would happen in a year. So the EWTN network has a as a show, a living right with Dr Ray and the school Walsh University teach at. They just happened last year to be taping four episodes of this show and so I was like I'll go to the taping and I wear my voices for voices shirt and three to the four shows.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 40:01

I was able to ask a question on camera and it didn't get edited out and I didn't realize the the reach that the show has, that across the world they're reaching close to a billion people, like per week. What? Because the show, I think, airs two or three times a week. So all those together it reaches close to a billion. And so I was on three of the four with quest, asking question with, with the logo visible, and, and so was able to do something that I didn't have to do it. My wife was inspired, like why are you going down just to be in the audience? And I had no idea that I would have an opportunity. But as I started to see how things were unfolding, before they started filming the one episode, the producer asked the audience if anybody had a question, and so I was sitting there going like I didn't know, like this was even a thing.

Staci Hayes: 40:56

And.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 40:56

I was like, oh, they'll probably edit it out, they'll take what they want. And so the first one I didn't, the first taping, I didn't ask a question. But after the first one I went right up to the producer and said I have a question. And I and I just thought of one, wrote it down. He's an hourglass doctor, ray, and it just worked out. And the camera angles they weren't straight on but they were angled enough to be able to see the logo and the brand. And then we were able to see the website traffic after those people checking out Like what do we do?

Staci Hayes: 41:32

What is this?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 41:33

organization. And so I get to tell somebody kind of growing up in kind of adolescent phase that you know what you've just seen. So much of society tries to be against us dreaming and doing something kind of out of the ordinary. That Go ahead and and dream and if something comes to your heart and that passions there, go for it, because you never know. I was thinking the three billion would come over 20 years of Getting the, the brand out and doing social media posts and trying to do all these things. And here's something really fell into my lap and not knowing, and then Luckily been on really good terms with the president of the university who we had on an earlier show and he was the one actually in between shows. He goes, he goes. Oh, this is sweet, you warrior shirt.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 42:39

Yeah and he wasn't saying like oh, you didn't have your wall shirt on it was just, you worry, you go now we got to get you on TV, yeah.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 42:46

And so then I was like, from then I went straight to the producer and yeah said hey, I got this. And and then I just continued with it and in the episodes took close to a year for them to air. And so this whole planning that I've kind of alluded to, of One things now and today and and there are things we have to do for today but there are things like that story that it it took close to 12 months for it to really come to fruition, that and we happen to be a Disney World. You know, my family and daughter, my wife, I For what right we were waiting in line for? But I pulled it up on my phone and my parents are at home and they had had the show on and I didn't know if it was gonna be edited out because I the question, the question yeah, or like they're only gonna show the angle from the back and not, and so I didn't even know.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 43:43

So all this time goes by, not sure if it's actually gonna happen, and when it did and I couldn't hear very well, so I texted my mom said Like could you see the? Because I mean I'm looking on my phone.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 43:57

And I was like you know, get the scope, don't get the scope of like the screen, and she said, no, you could see it. And she took screenshots and, and so that's just something, that it's very small. Now have we gotten huge amounts of donations and said, no, but it's a piece in the puzzle that Is helping build and shape the organization and to Give credibility to the organization, things that we're doing, that we're. We're really trying to reach out again to the that talk about your politics and different areas, like we were trying to give Everybody that wants to share their voice a Platform to do so.

Staci Hayes: 44:42

So you're almost describing like these serendipitous Situations yes, and then you are there to seize them. Yeah, you step up, you stood up, you ask the question and I can't imagine your stomach doing backflips and you tell you, describing the anxiety that you feel, standing up in front of people, let alone on that platform, knowing that it was gonna go out to those people. What was that like for you to get that call from your mom and get that screenshot?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 45:04

Oh it was, it was awesome, it was Validating that. What something that I did came to fruition. And I was saying, okay, yeah, it was a good idea in that I did it. And Should I have went and tape those episodes? Or should I stayed home or done different things? There are again. But yeah, the serendipitous Things where they happen, and then, just away, my brain's wired that when those things come up now I Just do, I say like if it's not gonna bank her up near my family and they're not illegal, I got at least look into it. If there's a, if there's a chance, then I'll give it a shot. And then I can, in my mind, fall back on these positive things that happen, free from substance and free from kind of that social isolation, and and just be, hopefully, for the rest of the time I'm on earth, be able to share and help as many people.

Staci Hayes: 46:12

Well brings up, like the sports quotes that I'm like the yeah, the heart of you work, the luckier you get, and I remember it's Kobe Bryant or Michael Jordan. But it's like everyone said Albert Einstein said it, so we'll just go with that. Or, like you know, mark Twain said it. That's the quote. But it's like you are just constantly making these choices to move forward, to kind of go, you know, in the direction that you're headed. You have an ultimate goal. You don't know exactly what it looks like, it's kind of malleable, but the fundamental is connecting humans to humans.

Staci Hayes: 46:35

It is and okay, so you also kind of described to me like these negative voices, this criticism I think one thing that you had mentioned when you came back from you crater people like why are you doing that?

Staci Hayes: 46:45

That's so dangerous? Why are you putting yourself in, you know, in harm's way, and below you have a family of a child, you know, blah, blah, blah. What do you wish those people knew about? You doing these like kind of like not even high-risk behavior, which is kind of putting yourselves in position to be around people that they perceive as being dangerous yeah, I think this comes back to passion and the.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 47:08

Hopefully people see the passion, the foundation look to you know, whether it's social media or website. Look at the things we've done with events and names of people who are somebody's and People that aren't somebody you mean like dr Stacy?

Staci Hayes: 47:29

Hey, obviously Even myself.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 47:34

Why am I? Why am I doing this? And it's, I think, just knowing that at the root of everything, of we're really just trying to to help people, and I I think it comes in all shapes and sizes and flavors that we might not agree with everybody on every single issue, which I don't think anybody ever does.

Staci Hayes: 47:55

No.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 47:57

But to give them an opportunity now if they don't want to share and you know that, that's, that's on them and if they don't want to invest or be a part of the organization or be as kind as you were and say, hey, like I'm down if you want to do a flip the script episode, and so if you hadn't said that we wouldn't be doing this, right so this Wouldn't be shared at the depth that we've gotten to.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 48:25

So I I really hope the people see, like the, the genuineness under everything that might look sensation, all of like these trips and these people and awards and try and all these things like that. I Feel like that comes with the territory. You can either Wait until the time comes and until something Then falls into the lap some things do, some things don't or like with the, the, the, the voice of your word that we're gonna be given the tyros Making something happen, reaching out on on his website or his social media and, who knows, maybe he says yes, maybe he says no, maybe I don't get an answer, but I got an answer and we did it and so I'm like, can I send you a thank you card? Gave me the address to their home. Send a thank you card and then, as my mind was thinking with our event in October of how can I do something to continue to elevate us as organization before the end of the year, and I started to think, like well, we're doing awards, this would be a great idea.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 49:39

So I waited to get confirmation that it was going to happen, that it wasn't going to be through Zoom like our interview was for the show, that it was going to be where I can actually meet them and hand it to them and get pictured and those type to get the photo op, absolutely, and so making individuals that, even if they've received awards and are making a lot of money and famous, that people like to be recognized. So as much as I wanted to be recognized so much growing up and even now it's like look what I did.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 50:14

Look, look, here's my mental health story. Like, here's my book, and you'll go buy it as much as we want to do that. If we just stay within ourselves and continue that passion, that even family members might not be 100% beyond board like well, what's he doing?

Staci Hayes: 50:33

He's always on that computer. I think they rarely are. If you're somebody who's looking outside the scope of what was accomplished by your family and me being a first generation college student and all the kind of the barriers that I've run into, when you dream big, there's going to be few people with you, and one thing that I wish somebody had told me and I would mention in our interview is winning and being successful can be extremely isolating. So that isolation that you felt during your adolescence, I can't help but think that's mirrored, but in a positive way, because when you win the gold medal, you're up on the stand by yourself.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 51:00

Right and then nobody's with you. Yeah, and that adrenaline once that event or that thing is done, then it's like well, now what?

Staci Hayes: 51:11

Where am I going to do next?

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 51:12

Yeah, I did this thing, so this is a fear for you.

Staci Hayes: 51:17

You get anxiety thinking about what happens after I achieve the goal.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 51:23

So yeah, so in between now doing do thing one or thing two and have something come in three months like what do I do in between then, and trying to really fill that time, not that I fear of being alone, but I at the beginning of Voice of Royce's and before I wrote my mental health story at House of you, Prescriptions for a Living.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 51:47

my therapist is like why do you share that? And it's like, no, I do a lot of personal things In-laws and people share and want to talk about and have that be seen at the world. But then that thought was like the vulnerability.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 52:04

And that's exactly where I say OK, well, I did the book, I did this trip, I did this event, I met this person. We did 100 episodes in the first year. That we overshot, in a good way, the amount of episodes we thought we would do, and then we're going to be able to be grateful and continue that. So, yeah, when there is downtime I do Like there's some time, like oh, I need to fill that time with like what can I do next, or can I just take a step back and breathe? So I'm kind of in that spot of continued thinking, but then also breathing and being present.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 52:54

And one thing I'll add in here towards the end is by my first therapist out of the hospital, I said I'm afraid I'm going to never, because I'm afraid that I'm going to accomplish this thing or these things. And then like what am I going to do next? Like I'm afraid that I'm going to think of something to come up. And he said you're not going to, he goes. You might feel that, but that's not going to happen. And so I've had to, in those times, be like OK, it's OK to take a day or two and not do anything related, or take a couple hours and not do something. Do something fun or go buy a book or do something that is not related at all.

Staci Hayes: 53:46

Well, sometimes the best self-care is doing nothing, and in a society where we're addicted to being efficient and being effective and getting something done, sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do. Yeah.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 53:58

So I want to thank you. Is there what else do we not?

Staci Hayes: 54:02

So let's do like a, let's spill the tea a little bit. Talk to me about the 103 interviews that you've done. Which did you find like the most inspiring? So you can plug some of your.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 54:17

Yeah. So Dr Judy Rubin, who was the art lady on Mr Rogers' neighborhood, that was awesome because she was able to talk about not just the art therapy side of things, of what her specialty was in teaching, but also about how that translated over to the camera and what was being seen and her not thinking she's like I'm not an actress. And then Mr Fred Rogers was like that's why I want you on is because you're not, you're just being yourself and you have this specialty of what you like to do. And that's what we're really trying to do is show people how different individuals are and be able to just relate. And so I think a little bit of her thought was the same of I got to think of this big thing to do and all she had to do is just be herself.

Staci Hayes: 55:15

Yeah.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 55:16

And for me, that's where I try to draw some inspiration of. I don't have to recreate the wheel. There are some things that are going to be like other organizations. But if I try not to judge myself or the organization versus others and I stay with them myself and just stay passionate that even the most loved celebrity or artist that's out there, not every single person loves them, that there's going to be people that don't. So I need to just think, like there's going to be people that we're fine.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 55:51

Then I guess, in a good way, in a competitive sense, of trying to steal a bunch of our ideas and things that we're doing, and so it's like how much do we want to share? And so there's all these things of like, well, we want to share them, but we know people are pulling bits and pieces. So one thing that we're going to be doing with this past event that we had our 30-annual Brand New Day event is we're going to be putting that behind a paywall, so all the people to say, oh, I couldn't make the event. We're like, ok, well, that's OK, we have this now available and so you can make a $50 donation and then you get it's like another product and then they download it and then they can see it. So if somebody wants to find things out, they got to at least do that.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 56:39

And that's where I had to just stop and value what we're doing on a sense of like. Everybody wants to be part of a winner and jump on the bandwagon, and the biggest thing that I found is trying to keep that lead or just continue thinking of extra things to do, and I need to just be OK if people are like I can't believe you're charging this. It's like do you pay your bills? How do you pay your bills? Like OK, so here's a nonprofit Like did you know the Cleveland Clinic and all these other organizations? They have people that are being paid. They're not doing it. And so that's one thing of learning through some of the interviews of the show as well, of knowing that we just need to value our time and our worth and say, if we're putting a lot of time and energy into something, then we shouldn't feel bad of asking others saying, hey, make a donation.

Staci Hayes: 57:39

And if you don't want to. You can't be shy. You can't be shy about it either, and that's one of the hugest barriers, I think, for any entrepreneur. Number one is getting rejected Like you've got to be uncomfortable with that. Number two is you've got to be able to ask for money unapologetically. Unapologetically, because what you're doing is so much value. You're doing an excellent job. It seems like you're having fun, so anything else that you're excited for, that we should watch.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 58:01

Yeah, keep your eye open, We'll be.

Staci Hayes: 58:03

The Tyrese Award is coming. Yep the Tyrese.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 58:06

Award will be coming, and so you'll have seen that before this episode airs in December. And then keep your eyes and ears open. We have another mission trip coming up to a location we're not going to share at this point, but it will be another bold trip that will continue to help people across the world and right here in Northeast Ohio.

Staci Hayes: 58:35

Very exciting Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.

Justin Alan Hayes, Voices for Voices: 58:39

Thanks for joining Stacey and flipping the script and asking some really hard questions, but it's good. It felt good and feels good to share that and really hope that this episode, as well as all the other episodes that we have, will help at some level for individuals. So thank you again, stacey, and again. Episode 98 is the episode we filmed and aired with Stacey Hayes, so please check that out Until next time. I am Justin Allen Hayes, founder and executive director of Voices for Voices. Please be a voice for you or somebody in need.